I owe you so much. You gave me the keys to a life I didn't realise just how much I wanted, until I'd lost it. Or rather until I'd inexplicably pushed it away. Towards the end of our time together I just didn't think we got each other anymore. Or rather my fear was that you didn't get me - or my perception of me - and that I was having to try to be someone else in order for us to remain together.
And then straight up, in the turmoil of our final days in Cornwall, I asked you what it was that first attracted you to me, and you nailed it. What you said you liked about me, were the same things that I like about me. And more to the point they were still me some 14 years down the track.
And then straight up, in the turmoil of our final days in Cornwall, I asked you what it was that first attracted you to me, and you nailed it. What you said you liked about me, were the same things that I like about me. And more to the point they were still me some 14 years down the track.
That was actually a very happy and a very sad moment for me. First the realisation that you really did get me after all. That I didn't have to pretend. I could be myself with you. But then the sadness that it had all become so twisted. It was an absolute breakdown in communication. All the time I was thinking you didn't get me, and getting frustrated by that fact, and bugger me if you didn't know me better than I knew myself!
You were the wise one to be sure. I should have shut up and listened more.
You were the wise one to be sure. I should have shut up and listened more.
The feelings that I have for you now, have come to me like a bolt of lightning. In all the turmoil since I moved to Norwich, I have struggled to comprehend what the hell was happening! I have cried more than any man likes to admit to crying, and could many times, see but one way out. How was I supposed to move on from this? It seemed to be one step forward, five steps back. And then that bolt of lightning struck. You love her you idiot! This is what love is. That feeling you've wrestled to get a handle on your whole life. It's been there all the time!
Today I see you and I feel love. It is true what they say, that love is a glow or a buzz. When I look at you I feel like the Ready Brek kid, with the orangle glow around him. It's true. I feel at absolute peace with my feelings for you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I have never made a public declaration of my love to you before. But I do it here now, and would willingly do it elsewhere. When I see your hair shimmering like a ravens feathers in the sunlight - as I did the other day - and see you just being you, I feel that glow and that yearning to be with you. Just to think of you is to ignite that glow.
I am not playing games Becky. I am speaking to you from the depths of my very being. From my heart. This is not some flippant attempt to assuage my loneliness. This is the real deal. But I understand your hesitancy in responding to any of this. Of course I do. I just want you to know that finally I know love, and more importantly that I know that I love you. I owe you and so many people an apology, and I will seek to make right all that needs putting right. I have been humbled by this experience. It was an experience I needed to go through. I am only sorry that you had to endure so much of my shit along the way. I never meant to hurt you xxx
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